We’re at a very anti-social place in our lives right now. Whether this is by choice, an intentional [generational] cosmic shift occurring simultaneously across continents, or a sudden change that crept up on us, orchestrated by powers beyond our control, is yet to be seen.
A little bit of both? A lot of both.
I say [generational] because it seems to be largely applicable to Gen Z; I’m sure previous generations had their versions of situationships, detachments, friends-with-benefits, an iteration of incel culture, loneliness epidemics, but Gen Z? We seem to be in another league altogether when it comes to intimacy (or the lack thereof) and losing track of priorities.
The ‘Gen Z Stare’ has been making rounds online, a “vacant, wide-eyed expression often accompanied by an awkward silence” (Jackson 2025). Business Insider, and many others (as revealed by a simple Google search), associate this with a tough job market and falling short when it comes to actual market-led and in-office experience. But I digress.
fil-uh-foh-bee-uh (ˌfɪl əˈfoʊ bi ə).
derived from Greek filo (love) and phobia (fear).
the irrational, intense, or persistent fear of falling in love, forming emotional attachments, or becoming vulnerable in a romantic relationship.
Philophobia. Philophobia is on the rise: what can we do about it? It’s easy to pass judgment when you believe you’re sitting outside the bubble, watching everyone in the fishbowl desperately try to claw their way out without actually knowing how. The how fell into my lap. Profusely thanking my stars. That doesn’t mean I’m exempt from the tragedy inflicting the better part of Gen Z.
The death of eye contact. Romantic, platonic, familial, professional—there’s an undeniable dearth of eye contact. Somewhere along the way, intimate body language disappeared. Intimate in the sense that we forge tangible human connections just because.
The just because has been lost in translation, somewhere along the path we hurtled down after we decided our digital valuation far outweighed our public presence. Look up.
There are those who shy away owing to a fear of emotional connect, thus the exponential increase in situationships and friends-who-crave-more-than-benefits-but-don’t-know-how-to-cross-the-line. That other cold-hearted person in this disbalanced FWB arrangement? Perhaps a fear of commitment? With a side of avoidance?
Google intimacy+genz. Please see below an (exhaustible) list of the search results:
- Why Gen Z’s Emotional Protectionism Won’t Save Them
- What’s wrong with our generation (especially Gen Z)
- Why Gen Z is Terrified of Intimacy
- Gen Z’s intimacy problem is going to end poorly
- Why Gen Z is Saying “No” to Romance and What it Means for …
A majority is equated to rejecting sex. Move beyond. The Stanford Report reports (ha) that Gen Z is experiencing a friendship recession, inept at social connection, communication, and fuelled by digital dependency. Put me in a room with more than 2 people and I won’t know where to look. How does eye contact work? Who do you look at? One person? Every person? Sorry, did I stare at you too long? Omg, the hole needs to open up and swallow me whole.
Today, I can excuse myself on the pretext of being a college student. Tomorrow, I’m magically supposed to transform into a fully-functioning adult. Hello?? Some help here?
I feel sorted on most fronts except communication, which is funny because that’s my entire degree (and career). There’s this unshakable anxiety and most of it is founded on just where to fucking look. Gen Z opines, as a whole, that eye contact is informed by intimacy. Of pushing boundaries and letting a person into your world, if only for a fleeting moment. There’s this odd beauty in glancing up from your phone while walking down the street, catching someone’s eye, see them smiling, smiling back, and moving on. Half a second, yet an attempt to venture outside of the little world we’ve created on our phones.
The unfortunate reality is that even if we manage to shove the world out of our phones and actually spend time and live in the moment (!!), in a month, we’ll all be graduates, scattered across the globe. The world we spent 4 years curating is back in the box we call mobile phones.
Aren’t the best school memories rooted in struggling to hold in laughter after meeting your friends’ eye? The internal battle, the shared joke. This isn’t to say that’s evaporated; it’s just shifted to our phones. Something happens, we text instantly. We’ve forgotten the excitement that accompanied waiting all day to see your friend so you could break some news, any news, in person, just to witness the reaction.
The choice we’re making in surrendering eye contact, and by extension, the opportunity to forge new bonds, relationships, friendships. And the sudden change thrust upon us, we couldn’t have done anything to curb it. The Earth keeps spinning. The world progresses. Technology has blessed us in unfathomable ways.
Intent changes the game. Knee-deep in widening rivers of [self-inflicted] loneliness, what can you do? I can’t speak for the endless casual relationships and meaningless hook-ups that many report leaves lingering disgust. Platonically? Get over yourself. The reels you get excited over, with friend-dates and day-trips and the ultimate girl’s/boy(?)’s night-outs, make it happen. The foundation is shifting again. Adulthood doesn’t mean your personality has to undergo a serious transformation, it just means we have different priorities. Make new friends. Don’t make new friends, but just look up.
2 weeks till I jump headfirst and my personal challenge is to reduce the awkwardness just a little bit. A tiny amount. Ask a question back, smile at someone just because, hang around outside (phone-less) a tad bit longer.
Sorry, Gen Z, we were dealt a bad set of cards. Do with it what you will. Me? Me? I’ll be focusing on looking up a little more, and down a little less. There are things out there you’ve never dreamt of, just waiting for you to notice.
Oh, to be Published! 
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