I’ve always been faintly distrustful of men. Maybe I get it from my mother. On a scale of ‘good-to-bad things to inherit from your parents,’ this falls somewhat in the middle, leaning towards good. 

There is nothing a man can offer that a woman cannot; that’s just how I’ve been raised. Lately, I’ve discovered that this can be a tough pill for many to swallow. In a household comprising of 3 women, being anything less than aggressively feminist wasn’t really an option. I’m sure it irks my father at times, the firm anti-men stance that’s repeatedly brought up. This isn’t to take away from the privileged childhood my sister and I had, courtesy of my father. If anything, a standard was set. A father who (very literally) showed us the sky is the limit if we work hard enough and a mother who taught us how to break through that very ceiling in a world designed by and for men.

Gatekeeping is considered a very Gen Z term, used to describe how there are certain communities or trends that aren’t equally accessible for all to participate in. I would argue that the true art of gatekeeping can be learned from men. The glass ceiling is proof, bleeding into the very strongholds of society. That invisible barrier that is seemingly impossible to shatter: gatekeeping in it’s truest form. 

If I had to ponder over what it is that I wish to learn from the “stronger sex” (as the [deeply sexist] binary goes), it would be this. Yet as hard as I try, I seem to keep failing. Putting yourself first is championed by one sex far more than the other. Pliancy is embedded in the “fairer sex”, and try as we might, stepping on others’ toes for our personal gain doesn’t come naturally. Where is the balance? 

With each passing generation, women are learning how to put themselves at the forefront without the harmful baggage men lug around everywhere. There are fewer tales of the sacrificial woman, though some are trying to seize the narrative with the tradwife trend. Ugh. 

This isn’t an experience/thought restricted to things I’ve read or seen on digital platforms. I was recently part of a discussion amongst friends in which the men opined that women would obviously perform better on social media because of certain physical features men have not been blessed with. They aren’t wrong, it’s how it works. But if everyone continues on this path, where is the end? This circles back to the boundaries placed upon the fairer sex and being called the fairer sex in the first place. There are only a few fields we can excel in; that too, is dependent on conventional beauty. 

Globally declining birth rates denote how women are beginning to prioritize their careers, their sanity, their growth. Sound familiar? It’s what men have been doing for centuries, manipulating an archaic system created by their [male] ancestors. The playbook was always rigged. 

“Gatekeeping” was coined by Kurt Lewin in 1943, in order to describe how information or goods pass through channels controlled by individuals. The initial focus was, wait for it, on how housewives controlled household food supplies. Keyword: control. Today, gatekeeping has shifted it’s view from merely controlling information to actively limiting knowledge. This new definition that concerns itself with the policing and filtering of information is attributed to David Manning White, who adapted “gatekeeping” to journalism in 1950 by applying it to all levels of the media structure. In 1949, women made up 7.2% of editorial and managerial positions in journalism. 

Do the math. Who is behind the gatekeeping? 

Whittling it down to my level. Why would I want to pick up such a horrific skill? If one can even call it that. I want to learn just a smidge of gatekeeping. Prioritizing myself when needed without preventing anybody else from reaching for it. I want my cake. Of course, I want to eat it too. But why can’t other’s have a slice? Having my fill does not mean taking more than necessary so the overflow can rot in the corner. The housewives who gatekept were on to something.

Of course, there are layers to this and this can go on endlessly if we were to bring minorities into the discussion. To have a side that’s winning, one has to lose. 

There is one thing I wholeheartedly agree with. God is a man. Without a doubt. Ask me why I believe so, I’d love to explain. 

That said, if there’s someone listening, bestow upon me the ability to gatekeep. And bestow upon others parents who work in tandem to mold a world for their children that many deem a fantasy.